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Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Smokers and Tokers!

As you probably know in Asia people smoke like they eat, everyday and multiple times a day.
That's a cool paragraph to map out this story. I would like to only say in Japan, but really its most of Asia.
This map I'm describing is as effective as flat earth theory in describing the Earth (I capitalised Earth the 2nd time just for fun, though there is a grammar rule about when it should or shouldn't be, did you know? Made you think!).

Ahem, back to the blogpost at hand (I'm so easily distracted, DAMN YOU ADHD {now called ADD}).


That's cool, it might not be because of the MJ maybe ADHD.

Everyone smokes in Japan, but nearly nobody tokes. As I have probably mentioned many times, marijavagina (Mary Jane) is bad news in Japan. Its considered one of the worst drugs on the planet. In North America, its ONLY considered a gateway drug. You start there and work your way up to the nasty stuff, coke (not the drink) etc. Coke drink isn't that great for you either though.

Due to that reason whenever I smelt it anywhere I was confident it was a foreigner smoking it.
And I'm not sure they understood the risk of it (life in prison / complete shame and you being labelled one of the top criminals in Japan or worse). I can't think of anything worse, but there probably is something, let's leave it open ended like flat earth theory (there are still people claiming its true, oh god!).

In general I don't really like smoking and in Japan its hard to avoid it (kinda like the black plague was in the 14th century, only easier to avoid). People smoke everywhere or I should say used to.

I mentioned previously in a blogpost that when I was there the teachers had started smoking outside the teachers office. This was funny because they told me that before everyone just smoked wherever, whenever. During my years they changed the law and weren't supposed to smoke on property, but as they were addicted they sat in their cars and smoked. LOL. It was so obvious, all the kids knew. I think the purpose was so kids don't emulate. What a fail!
The perils of nicotine addiction its like riding the Titanic, at some point you are going down (though in all fairness it took the Titantic 2 hours 40 mins to sink).
I hope you have longer as a smoker.

I remember hearing stories about the Tokers. Even my white Japanese teacher (he wasn't white Japanese he was just white and spoke Japanese). He told us onetime he stayed over at a friend's house and the police came to raid their place. I don't remember the gist of the story but somehow as they entered they shoved all the marijavagina into the potted plant and didn't get caught. Funny (and probably not true). You might say as true as flat earth theory.

This is bamboo leaves, do not smoke it! Though legal if its your bamboo.


I did know a guy that occasionally smoked MJ in Japan (not bamboo but possibly). He was quite funny. Italian American but for some reason thought he was black. I told him its dangerous to smoke that and if you get caught they cut your balls off. I figured that would persuade him from going down the path to the dark side (a Star Wars reference obviously).
He didn't listen to me. But he didn't listen to anyone.

Onetime during a fight I heard his Japanese girlfriend threw him through a window at his place.
When he invited me over one day and there was still glass on the floor I semi believed it.
Needless to say the fact that it was not cleaned up told me at least they were on the rocks (what girl would allow glass to stay on the floor, its a guy thing).
I believed it as much as flat earth theory (see you don't know which side I'm on!)
The end.......... (of flat earth theory). I hope.

Don't do it in Japan unless you wanna be on Japan's FBI list of top criminals.


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Saturday, December 31, 2016

Fill me UP!

I don't want to tell you the subject in the first sentence for I fear you might think the topic is full of gas and leave.

As you probably know from my 10,000 other blogposts, I've mentioned that service in Japan is top notch. Haircuts always have a happy ending, and by that I mean a nice massage. In between you are probably given a nice boiling wet towel to rub your greasy hands and face on, its FANTASTIC!
So minor and yet, so great.

I also enjoy the bows while greeting and on the way out. Its like I did them a favor and they are thanking me. Saying "IRRASHAIMASE!" which is essentially a simple WELCOME is a nice touch too.
I realise its all fake, but its still nice (just like Pamela Anderson haha not funny).

Imagine if you can't read Japanese. I always went for the cheapest and hoped there wasn't too much water in it. Wait, they don't do that in Japan? Maybe water costs too much.



Well today's topic is another place that many people have to visit while living in Japan.
It doesn't sound overly exciting but it can be quite fun.

As I may have mentioned I had two vehicles while in Japan. For the first year and a 1/2 I froze my butt off in the snow, and melted like a candle in the summer heat.

My co-worker (A half Japanese half Chinese American but family lived in Korea, so Korean influenced) and I bought a car together.
I wasn't too familiar with the vocabulary for gas stations as that wasn't something I'd ever learned at University while studying Japanese. That was more like "What time is it? Hi Mr.Tanaka" etc. Very useless stuff that no one ever uses (I later learned the object can be removed from a Japanese sentence most of the time as it was usually understood, and my Japanese teachers used to lie to say its always needed).

When I first went to the gas station I went myself. Unlucky for me, that some of my students worked at the only gas station near my place. They were part of what I called the "bad kids". Not the ones that might murder me, but fairly close.
Oneday I drove my car in and got a nice bow. The person said something to me of words I'd never heard before. 
I answered "YES" in English. He looked at me, it wasn't my student, but I could see one of my students inside the gas station.
He did not understand and neither did I.... oh mother trucker!

I got out of the car and reached for the gas nozzle, 3 people ran out of the shop, seemingly not impressed the damn foreigner was about to pour his own gas. They probably thought gas was unique to Japan and foreigners don't use it (yes a lot of things, I got asked that, I thought its just a bad joke but people were serious). You have rice in Canada? 

"Mantan desu ka".  
What the hell is a mantan I thought. I didn't have Google or smartphones back then, so I repeated "Yes" again in English.
One of my students came out and bowed. I realized this is probably the only time he'd ever bow to me. At school he was a total d$ck. A few times he threw erasers and spat spitballs at me. I contemplated breaking his fingers each time. I think he thought I was joking, but in reality I was holding back my inner 24 Jack Bower and ready to inflict some pain anyway I could, to get some terrorist information out of him (cause he threw erasers and its very similar).
He did his fake bow and started cleaning my windows. The thought of spitting on the widow and making him shine it also crossed my mind (that's a little mean, maybe I shouldn't have said the truth this time). Then when he went to shine it, crack one finger. He'd probably still be obligated to bow and thank me for coming.

They grabbed the gas nozzle from me (in a nice way) and filled up my tank. He asked "FURU OK?" meaning FULL is OK?
I realized maybe mantan is mixed word, man as in full and tan, short form of gas tank(tanku).
Turns out I was right.

My car was shined, windows buffed, they asked if I had any garbage in my car the throw out and took it away.
I paid and thought I'd get a bow.
All four of them assisted. One went to the road to block imaginary traffic, the other directed me onto the road (because I didn't know where it was I guess).
Another stood very close to the car (and very close to my wheel about to crunch his toes and he did a deep bow. Everyone bowed and thanked me.

I said "YES" in English and drove away into the sunset (there was no sunset it was already dark, but just pretend to end on a perfect note).

Gas served, bow necessary. Direction onto road mandatory. I like!





Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Oh No they are coming!!

Many a time I saw some nice dressed up white people biking around the crappy rice field area's on bikes (bicycles, not cool motorcycles). As they biked around on their granny bikes they always dressed in Sunday's finest (that's a religious overtone for you). 
Always with dress shirt, a tie and grey dress pants.
When it was a scorching summer (as I was fairly evident Global warming was real. So if Trump pushes through his agenda of denial, I hope some Americans will correct his path to UH OH's-ville) many wore shorts. Whilst they looked professional I looked like I was worth $5. I literally was. I went through a whole phase of dollar stores only clothes. In Japan you can get your whole wardrobe there.
My socks, underwear, shirt and shorts were from the dollar store. I was happy I was not a girl because all of the above were so thinly made, it was pretty much see through. A very unwise choice when it rains (unless that floats your boat of course).

LOL, this is a big hint, if you don't get it, you should learn it.

Anyways, the agent Smith type people (minus the cool sunglasses) and top suit jacket.

A few of them spoke Japanese.
I didn't know who they were. My first assumption was businessmen. As to why their ages looked to be so young I wasn't sure.
My next assumption was FBI or some rogue agents doing reconnaissance (its a big word, from French if interested). As to why they would do that in a rice field I wasn't sure (obviously for deniability?)

What interested me as that it was always white males, younger (moderate good looking {HAD NOTHING ON ME!!}), seemed to be Americans and looked clean (shaven and style).
Like poster boys for something (and they really did appear like almost boys).

Based on this title, you are probably thinking Aliens impersonating us as the perfect specimen, but no, I'm saying Mormons. 
That's who they were.... MORMON's!
Oh god! (that's funny cause its a catchphrase but its also about religion).

Now I now you think is this gonna get start getting mean dissing the Mormons, not really. If I was going to pick a group to pick on, might be Scientologists (the tell all by Leah Remini seems to lay out a lot of the closed door stuff). Some of that stuff is really out to lunch, not that Mormon's aren't, but this is about Japan, so I'll let you make your own decisions about Kolob (the holy star/ planet) from the Mormon holy book of Abraham. Oh lord! (I did it again! I truly love wordplay).


LOL. LOVE IT!




It was so funny to be similar but so different at the same time.They never came to my door, I'm not sure why. It may have been due to me putting a line of salt infront of it to ward off ghosts (or reborn anything that was supernatural), but I'm not really sure.

Its also possible that whoever came to my door could read Japanese. As I previously mentioned in another blogpost, I thought I'd transcribe my foreigner devil name into Chinese characters, but unbeknown to me it said "I'm always absent", so I never got my mail. I did get the NHK lady asking for money to pay NHK (like CBC in Canada, BBC in England or PBS in USA) but they collect door to door and its mandatory. I told her I didn't have a TV (it was blaring loud in the background). After I spoke to her in Japanese, I told her a few times I only spoke English. LOL.
I should have added and I have a sudden case of amnesia only related to language.


I also didn't get a large amount of visitors, so once in a while it was nice to see someone. Even if they were trying to steal my hard hard money for some TV show that primarily played news, about topic I had no interest in (the Japanese economy). Its about as interesting as opening a door (that fell a little flat, but I can't think of anything overly funny right now).



I didn't have a lot of interaction with them, but I'd go to really remote parts of town where there were no foreigners (most of my back water town) and I'd see one riding his bike on his merry way trying to push his Kolob stuff to some unsuspecting sucker.


I looked it up onetime while I was there and it said a lot of people use the Mormon's. I didn't really get it. From most people's experience they were super polite so the Mormon thought he was converting someone and in turn they thought they were getting free English lessons.

I thought that was funny, not sure who was the sucker in that case.
Count me in! Or ... not.



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Monday, October 31, 2016

Look for Trouble It Finds You!

I recently watched some YouTube video's about Yakuza, aka the Underworld (not the movie, the actual underworld). Lifestyles of the real nightlife in Japan. FYI I see there is a new Underworld movie about to be released (the trailers look deceivingly good. The story kinda plateaued for me, then dropped faster than Felix Baumgartner from the stratosphere).


I remember my High School Japanese teacher (who I mentioned many times is a white guy) seemed to have all sorts of trouble with the Underworld. I hope his stories were true (there as no vampires in them). Even if they weren't, they were highly entertaining and led me down a path to the dark side. You might call him (Darth VADER!) and he is not my father (that I'm aware!)

In these YouTube videos a couple American guys are talking about drinking and clubbing and looking for girls. They don't care if the girls have boyfriends or not. That seems to be where the problem starts (foreshadow. It doesn't matter what country you are in, that won't end well, and no I don't know from experience).

One guy states "Those MOFO's do NINJA sh#t to kick our asses! They are always training to beat someone". I laughed, its a statement with semi truth.


Watch out you will never see them coming!

Let me emphasize you NEVER judge a book by its cover. You might be thinking this nerdy mofo who is 5 feet tall, can't do sh#t, then ninja’s might pop out at you. And he undoes his suit and inside he has ninja clothes on, swords and throwing stars.
The samurai spirit or mentality is still alive in Japan. As I mentioned in previous posts I saw some mofo’s do some crazy “Ninja” sh#t.
I saw people get choked out, arm breaks at judo. My own ribs and almost neck break (and I'm 5 feet tall and 100 pounds).
I saw little old men with no muscle do wrist locks or me and other people and make them scream like little girls (I usually scream that way in all honesty). It was impressive to say the least (and I have the marks on my body to prove it). Let me know if you can find out any voodoo techniques to pass those body marks to someone else (or if you met Dr.Strange. I'm not sure he's real yet, I'll check out his Marvel documentary to make sure his magic is legit).


In Japan a lot of children learn Judo or other martial arts. The school I taught at only had Judo, but they did a workshop on SUMO (I wasn't interested in seeing the loincloth on myself or others so I skipped it). Other schools may also have karate, kendo, aikido etc. There must be some that teach how to throw ninja stars called "shuriken" in Japanese. I hope they don't lace them with poison, kids would be dropping left and right.
After school those kids (or shall I say mofo's) are still training the same martial art or a different one. So they train day, night, weekend. Of course they are going to be proficient (aka able to kick ass with ninja sh$t). This should come as no surprise.

Let me express that there are no MCDojo's in Japan. If you don't get that word let me break it down for you.

Hmm, only a few months to get a black belt, must be legit!


You cannot buy your belt in Japan, you have to earn it. In Canada, there are a couple companies (especially karate based ones, don't wanna mention names or I may have a lawsuit coming).
People pay to buy each belt. 
In Japan, at minimum you must put the time in. There are many crappy lower level black belts, but it doesn't mean they didn't spend 1000's of hours training (and doing ninja sh$t too).
A black belt of lower rank is seen as the beginning of the path, but here its seen as the end.
Once you are higher ranked, your skills will be so good, you may be learnt how to be invisible and touch of death (that's sarcasm, so don't expect it to be real, as for the Marvel Universe and Dr.Strange's magic the jury is still out).

So the moral of the story is simple, you might think that you being muscular and 6 ft 1, with 200 + pounds on a little scrawny Japanese guy means something, but it doesn't.

If you throw gas on the flame and try to steal someone's girlfriend, you may be in for a beating (and I may join in too).
Just cause you are a gaijin (foreigner) doesn't mean you have the right to be an as$hole.

Heed my words grasshoppers, for I am the ancient one (just like in the Dr.Strange movie, like how I used that three plus times?) By the way, the ancient one (in the comics) is supposed to be Asian but they hired a white for it. That's nice. 
Hollywood is so with the times ;-)
On that note since its almost election time in the U.S. so is Trump. LOL!


LOL. And this guy might be President? You Americans are so funny.







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Saturday, October 1, 2016

Really ANNOYING WORDS from English!

Do you ever shudder when you hear certain things, or someone makes the same mistake over and over? (I sometimes also shudder when I pee my pants, but that's for a separate blog post (hope its not too TMI). Hope you are looking forward to it.


I use to have a co worker (in Canada) that always said "my staffs always listen to me". I wanted to slap him across the face (he was my boss, so maybe not a good idea).
It used to piss me off to no end (just like a Duracell battery?   It kept going and going... and going....)


Its probably not worth being strangled by Darth Vader. Get it right! Its a command not a suggestion.


There are many words that the Japanese language has borrowed from English and Japacized (not to be confused with infanticide, and not nearly as terrible to most people, but to me both are disgraceful.

For some reason, certain words make me shudder and the only way to release my anger is to slap someone. Slap myself? Doesn't work, I tried!

PROTEIN. You know the stuff you get from meat and muscle builders eat a ton of.
In Japan its called PRO - TAIN. Like PRO but TAIN(T) minus the T. I just wanna slap the nearest person when I hear it. Its super annoying. I guess I should avoid the muscle bound types for slapping.

Dump Truck DANPUKAA
like as in DAN (name) PU (poo) kaah (like yelling kaaaaaaaaaa in a fight). Sounds like a child invented that word. I hate it with a passion (like Passion of the Christ, except no passion for Christ).

HORMONE(S) =  HORUMON
I hate this word. WHORE MOHN (the MOHN is like the exact way a Jamaican would say MAN, MOUHN). As in hormones but also used when eating meat sometime at yakiniku (meat grilled on a BBQ). I hate it when someone asks "Do you want to eat hormones?" Sounds sick (and it is). LOL! I want to take that meat and put it where the sun don't shine (wait this sounds sexual). Its not supposed to be.



Seems a little overly direct. I like it.



I guess I should play devil's advocate (more devil and less advocate) and state that in the West we also Anglicize (turn it into English) to make words sound better for us.

Here are a few reverse examples that may drive Japanese people insane (and slap someone around them).

SAKE-  I've never heard anyone in the West say this right, its SAAH KE(H). Everyone says SAKEY, there is no key sound. When Japanese people are trying to figure out what the hell you want, you think you're funny giggling and they don't. They are trying to comprehend your horrendous Japanese pronunciation.


GEISHA  (its gay shah) not GI SHA or GAI SHA. Gei (gay) means Art and Shah (person). A person of art, although Geisha have many skills, one of those about deflowering seems to be the only thing us Westerns take from them. They also have many skills such as conversational skills and language trickery, instrument playing, makeup skills, serving drinks and food, singing etc. Its a wide array of talents, not laying on their backs (even I could do that one. Sounds sexual again, tone it down).


ORIGAMI, as in OREA(H) GAHME not ORAH GAMI. ORU means to fold, and becomes ORI, GAMI means paper, so literally you are saying folded paper. Everytime you say it wrong they probably want to fold you (in a really painful way).

TEMPURA (tem puhhh rah). Don't say Tampura or Tamponra. I don't want to eat tampons or have it get mixed up with my food (again). Its a joke although a dirty one. You probably just shuddered.




Sounds about right. Just replace grammar with English loan words. A bit of a mouthful though.



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Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Meeting Famous People

LOL!

I'm laughing already remembering the time "I may" have met Utada Hikaru.
If you don't know she is a massive JPOP (Japanese POP) star. She does have some English songs (and she has perfect English. That's good because love you doesn't become "rab you" as many popstars in Japan do). She is huge in Japan. In English her songs never seem to hit the nail on the hammer (or reverse, whatever it is).
I put the emphasis on "maybe" about meeting her cause "maybe" I didn't. It wasn't in person, if you are thinking how didn't I know. I could go for an edgy racist joke here, but I'm not going to.

This story brings me back to my youth (what seems like long long ago).

One day I was using "ICQ messenger". If you are wondering what the F is that? You are very young and I am very old. Like an old wiseman teaching Kung Fu to his young grasshopper (or in this case Karate, cause Kung Fu is Chinese, don't mix it up MOFO).
Its basically texting for when the internet started to go mainstream. Yes I used to have to buy internet usage by the hour, an absurd sum of like $10 an hour. My parents probably thought I was doing assignments and I was messaging and surfing porn (what teenage boy didn't?)

I did a random chat one day, I have no clue what I wrote. but the girl introduced herself as a New Yorker, who is Japanese. And to top it off her mother used to be an Enka singer. These things also match Utada Hikaru's life perfectly, but I guess its possible it "may" not have been her.

Now at that time I wasn't very intelligent (nor am I now. Things didn't improve much. Must have been the porn surfing HAHA). I'm still not the sharpest tool in the shed. More like a light that has burnt out half way (I think that's called going dim. If I were smarter I'd know).

I have no clue if I asked her for a picture or I suggested exchanging photos but she sent me one. LOL!
She played me, like a violinist plays a piano (or a violin whatever).  She sent me some model type girl in a swimsuit. Kinda weird thing to send to a random guy in some foreign country, but I'm happy. I thought so beautiful (saved me time searching for porn myself).  This ICQ is great! Insert ICQ sound here (if you don't know it, its a unique du du sound. You could look it up instead of surfing porn).
I don't know fancy web programming (now called coding to sound more cool) so I'm not sure how to make a link popup and not close this one). Regardless if you are interested in the ICQ sound click the link and come back cause SPOILER ALERT, BOOBS ahead! I mean boobs in both sense. As idiot and the real thing.

Link to the du du sound I think. I hope the link works. Come back after for the boobs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iCPIUGnHQ8


I probably told her, wow your face and body are amazing like a model.
A few years later I was cleaning out my computer and a Japanese friend asked why I had that picture? I said oh some girl I met, she said I don't think so, its a model and she's wearing a swimsuit. What girl is going to send that, especially a Japanese one (I should have realized most Japanese are more reserved than us brash foreigners). Good point! I am dim (dimwitted).


The picture was something like this. I should have realized this body type is not normal and looks to be a pro pic. But I wasn't too smart. Hopefully not airbrushed, you can only dream!
SORRY GOOGLE DELETED THIS PIC SO I PROVIDE A LINK or it violates the young ins eyes I guess.





Another time I was reading about how Utada Hikaru said in an interview she used to do random ICQ chats. It seemed to re emphasize my belief it was her. The evidence piled up like the theory of evolution (only its actually a fact, because we generally use theory to mean guess in slang, but in a scientific sense, a "theory" is much more than that, its explaining the evidence that we have. There is no guess of evolution, The evidence is overwhelming, from many independent sources that's the icing on the cake. I had a person say to me "its just a theory" the other day. I didn't realize how ignorant he was, until I realized he didn't care what the evidence showed because he had a religious agenda. Hard to talk to people who make up their mind before seeing or listening to the evidence).
Anyways my Utada Hikaru evidence wasn't as compelling as that of evolution (that sentence made me sound like I'm writing a report instead of surfing porn). But nevertheless, it was still strong.
I have a feeling it was her. She's highly intelligent and was playing me. Entertaining for her, and now 20+ years later for me.

Apparently can also make fun of me too, "maybe".

Strangely one of my friend's brothers knew her (non Japanese Canadian guy). He was going to international school in Tokyo and she also went there. I think she was only semi famous by then, but everyone knew who she was. He personally couldn't care less if she was famous. He didn't care about much it seems, but that's a sidetrack to be visited on a different blog story.
If I had known him then I would have asked him to go up to her and be like "Do you remember the time you met a random guy on ICQ and you sent him a model pic. Well its 20 years later, but he wants a confirmation it was you."


She'd probably be like "What fool would fall for that? What a dumbass".
Me, I guess. haha.

Checkmate Utada (or "maybe" someone else).


Well it could have been Utada (I think on the left), or a copycat just like here (I think the one on the right). The one on the right says "Rab(u) you" cause her English she couldn't emulate.


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Sunday, July 31, 2016

Green Tea with a chance of love (meatballs)

OK, Green Tea with a Chance of Love ..... or Meatballs?
Either one could be good, whatever comes first, I suppose.
The intent was to sound like the title of the movie "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs", but I couldn't quite find a smooth sounding title so I stuck with this one above (rough, like a 5 o'clock shadow).

On a sidenote, I love to rub my 5'oclock shadow over smooth skin (even my baby loves it, till mom see's his red skin and asks why he has a massive rash, I just tell her it might have been a swarm of mosquito's (ideally without Zika). You didn't think I would say it, but I did. ZIKA! Its the equivlant of saying "LORD VOLDEMORT!". Until he shows up I'm going to keep saying it (which might be soon based on the windy sounds I've been hearing, could just be natural but probably not, I'll assume its supernatural to be safe).
I always try to insert some relevant news in the blog (I was going to make a joke about athlete's in Brazil for the Olympics but Lemi Levoto's mom already did that. Read the news if you don't know the lastest celeb gossip people).


Not Japan related, but weather related, no meatballs in this forecast.



As you may or may not know there is a whole sh$tload of different kinds of green tea in Japan.
Just like Pokemon! (another relevant tidbit of information in the news)
In Canada we might just say green tea to mean every bleedin' type. I've been pretending to be Irish recently and add 'bleedin' to some sentences. My 'bleedin' brain. My 'bleedin' socks. Literally they are not bleeding (that I'm aware of). Might explain the fading colour of my socks though (bleedin' dollar store brand).


One of the really popular types of tea is matcha (Green tea, which is usually a powder when served properly in a tea ceremony).
There are also "goodies" aka treaty treats that are matcha but they are (bleedin') delicious and sweet. Real matcha is quite bitter and frothy. It looks nice in a cup, but when you taste it you probably want to spit it out (I did twice during a tea ceremony. I imagine the person doing the ceremony was like ungrateful mother fuc$ken devil comes to my ceremony, spits out my deliciously/ ceremonially made tea and returns it more frothy than before and expects me to clean out spit from the cup.
Regardless of their opinions I always got a smile and a please come again at the end (while they were probably thinking, if I ever see you outside of this ceremony ideally I push you infront of an oncoming train. I never want to see you again, never come back even though I'm pretending I want you too. If the world ends and it comes down to only you and me, we are not going to repopulate this earth together, I rather it ended. That the whole of mankind suffers due to your unbelievable gestures and tea spitting.


Long Island Ice Tea. That's a dry joke, its not even bleedin' funny.


Japanese people have a great skill in that even when things are going bad or they hate your soul (like completely), they will give you a smile and a thank you. I bleedin' love it.
Imagine how many difficult situations could be deal with. All you need is a smile and a thank you (or an apology even though you didn't do anything wrong). Puts people off guard and creates a harmonious environment (known in Japan as WA).

There is an expression in Japan "Ocha shinai?" Won't you do tea?
And that means literally means "Won't you do tea?" but actually means, why don't we go to a tea house, drink tea and gaze into each others eyes. Hope some sparks fly (like a Nicholas Sparks movie THE NOTEBOOK!), then see where the nearest love hotel is. I thought it was funny, so I used that expression a few times (even though I had a g/f. I thought it might break the ice). Its a pretty dated expression and these days its more likely to be a Starbucks down the street, their matcha filled with sugar/ milk and never ending whip cream. YUM YUM!  I never spit that one out.


Coffee has become pretty popular these days and you can buy it heated (yes heated) from vending machines pretty much anywhere (probably even on Mt.Fuji but I'm not 100% sure, I've only been to some smaller mountains and they had it at the top). Fuji they might be worried of putting one there since next volcano blast its gonna melt the machine (but it will get that coffee real hot!)

The proper way to say tea shop is "Kissaten" written in Chinese characters as 喫茶店.  My Japanese teacher (white guy) told me he used to try to buy a coffee during the 1980's in Tokyo and he had to pay about $10 per coffee so that word kissaten was easy for him to remember, since it was "kiss a ten goodbye". LOL.

My ending sentence is the same as my beginning one, not smooth (like a tree's bark).

Mama always told me I wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed (like a bleedin' rubber hammer),



Looks so nice, but it tastes like sh$t! Add sugar like Starbucks and do not spit back into bowl. Trust me I know from experience. You may still get a smile (of hate).



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