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Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Being Fake is Great!

Being Fake is Great!


Been there, done that (I mean.... No.... I haven't).


And I don't mean like fake goods, though I shouldn't dismiss those either. I did have a few Lolex (Rolex) from China. They were dirt cheap compared to the real thing and left a yellow mark on my wrist. It was awesome! Like a free "fake" tan.

I also had some North Fake jackets. My friends in Canada were like oh you bought a North Face jacket? I said no, I bought in China and they noticed it was either North Fake or North Facs.

But don't tell Japanese friends that, I tried mentioning about fake goods onetime and my Japanese friends thought its like the evilest thing to buy and to wanted to call the FBI on me. Or whatever the equivalent in Japan was (JBI? MIB?). MIB isn't that funny I guess.


But regarding this post its a testament to the Japanese well oiled machine of "fake" social skills.
I like to call it being "fake" to make it easy to understand as its somewhat similar to our meaning.

You know in the West, a lot of people take sh#t for being fake. I remember in High School a lot of girls saying so and so is so fake. Fake nails, fake hair, fake eyelashes, fake body part ABC. Or that she just pretends she likes something but hates it, that may be more a little in tune.


What's wrong with that? My Lolex said it too.



Japanese fake is kind of similar, but bring the notch up a bit cause everyone does it. If someone said they are so fake, they'd be covering everyone.

When someone pours hot boiling coffee (or we can substitute that for green tea) on you, you just smile and say I'm sorry for being in the way. When in actuality the MOFO that just did it is totally at fault and might I add, a total ass. The person that did the spilling should offer compensation and bow, ideally on the ground with their face near your feet (you better hope they don't smell like doggy do do. Mine usually do).
I remember seeing people on trains during rush hour packed. People are trying to get off and among the pushing, some ladies are losing their shoes (heels). They just smile while hobbling with one shoe. Just go without it, pretending like nothing is wrong. Since its a heel its even worse, its like hobbling with a pirate's wooden leg, totally off balance. Hmm, that wasn't overly funny either.
If I had lost my shoe, I'd probably press the Emergency STOP button for the train and tell everyone to start looking. I'd call the Japanese S.D.F (self defence force) and tell them start looking, it must be here somewhere (that's funny). If they have a national guard to call them out too.


I recall a few times while buying groceries, thinking well thanks for helping me, but in Japan the cashier is bagging your stuff and bowing, thanking you for your business. Its great and very fake.. Those few business' in Canada where they say "Thank you for your business, please come again".
I usually do. I'm a sucker for fakery (and as I already mentioned about Lolex).

It also has to do with language.
In Canada we can say "Hi" to strangers on the street, not a big deal.
I recall a few times, I figured well why not greet people like in Canada.
One guy was running towards me and I greeted him "Konnichi Wa!" He didn't know how to react, seemed like an electric eel had just zapped him. But he mumbled something back to me, which may have been an attempt to speak an English greeting back, "HAROOO". It reminded me of that South Park TEAM AMERICA movie with Kim Jong Il. On a sidenote I have a Korean friend at work last name Kim. Thought he may be related, but he informs me only 60% are named Kim, another 30% Parks, and the other randoms.

It just like that. Not better.


It definitely helps the society to be well oiled and cause less friction in situations.
Mind you, its a skill to know when someone is being genuine or not. Most of us foreigners are terrible at it. I probably mentioned in Japan you are supposed to refuse a gift a few times when given something. I would always just say sure and take it. If someone said no, I'd respond OK, just take the gift and eat it (even when it wasn't food, ha funny). On the bright side no one said they hated my soul, they just smiled and went back to what they were doing. It may have been "fake" and they did hate my soul.


I guess Valentine's Day is a similar thing and only a plus for men.
In Japan women gives men Valentine's chocolate. Ladies first... oh sorry this is Japan, men first, especially through the door or walking on the street.
I always thought I did quite well, till I found out that in Japan there is something called "giri choco". Giri is obligation and choco is chocolate. So basically chocolates they don't want to give, but have to. On the plus side every man is going to get at least one chocolate, on the negative side, 99% are fake and the person probably hates your guts, but gives it to you out of an obligation. Somehow I don't feel that bad about it, and gladly accepted it.

I love Japan. Or am I just being fake.
That's for you to guess and me to ponder.

Let me know if you see any good Lolex, the hands on mine don't turn anymore.



I didn't mean this cheap, has to look slightly more convincing than this.


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Sunday, April 30, 2017

Doggie bag without the dog!


I sometimes wonder if Japan is becoming more Westernized due to more foreigners (evil one's of course) invading Japan or if there is a delay that trickles slowly over time. Over a few years I found a lot of things changed in Japan.
Like Chinese water torture upon someone’s brow (that's the imagery seems nice to start us off, because that's how my story feels like it ended and its still dripping on my head).

I hope its a golden wrapper to the chocolate factory again, but I fear its not!


I recall onetime as a student going with my friend Colin, who incidentally used to tell me I’m an idiot and don’t know anything (semi-true I guess). I met him at Uni in Victoria. He always seemed drunk to me. He did enjoy beer, so many he was (easier to get through class that way I guess). He was from some kinda famous posh private high school in Victoria. You would think he'd be a complete di#k (he was only 50% of the time) but somehow I found him funny, and for whatever reason(s) he hung out with us. Though he did have some "higher end more posh friends" he also hung with.

Once I went to Japan, he was going to a more prestigious University (since I was an idiot I didn’t go to Uni’s as good as him I guess). We met one time in Kyoto after I arrived for food.

We were desperate for food and hanging out with some random foreigners he knew (and they are evil cause they are foreigners too). It was like 2 pm and we didn’t know where to go. Usually there is food everywhere in Japan. Like every freakin block has a restaurant but for some reason the area was nothing (if my life was a movie I'd just need to add a few tumbleweeds like an old Western movie. You know those dust balls that roll through town when its dead quiet).
Finally after wandering what seemed like forever (at least 10 minutes), he said let’s go in the train station basement as it connects to a mall. We found a restaurant finally that looked closed & walked in (cause that's what you do when it looks closed, barge in. At least evil foreigners do).

They sat us down (they didn't seem overly impressed with our presence which is not typical Japanese style). Usually its at least faked. Maybe they had issues with foreigners before. At least it didn't have a sign NO GAIJIN allowed as a few shops did in Kobe. The restaurant was supposed to be Italian (which probably means, some weird Japan foods added into pasta). It was fairly pricey, so Colin says lets just order like 4 dishes and mix together and should be enough for all 6 of us.
Alas, the staff was horrified. There is a saying that the Chinese eat with their stomachs and the Japanese with their eyes. I guess mixing random sauces and weird flavours together is against the rules (but being evil we did it anyways. You might say real daredevil's). I don't mean like the Daredevil on Netflix, just so there is no confusion. We didn't wear red leather or do Kung Fu. Though I do have some self nun chuck training I've been learning from Youtube recently. I'm like Bruce Lee's long lost relative but much whiter. There's a link at the end of the post.


Mushrooms, spaghetti and strawberry style might be only in Japan and not Italy.


I didn’t really enjoy the pasta, tasted raw to me. Must have been “El Dente” (barely cooked), like blue meat (where you just touch the heat with it for a nano second and it’s done). That’s a guarantee of diarrhoea right there. If you ever want to eat meat like a dog, this is your chance.

Somehow we had a lot of pasta leftover (perhaps I wasn’t the only one that didn’t like it). Colin said let’s get it to go. Since we were paying more than its weight in gold I said good idea (though I didn’t wanna be the one to take it, unless I recooked it for 1 hour on the stove, even then it wasn't very enticing).

It occurred to me I had never learned the word “take it to go” in Japanese.

In Japanese he tried,
“Uhh hi, can we have a doggie bag?”
Looks of non-comprehensibility.

“Like you know a dog bag, inu bag”. Inu is dog in Japanese, so we thought that might sort things out. It didn't!

Not quite like this, but somewhat similar.


We couldn’t think of another way to say it. In retrospect, it may have been better to say TAKEOUT or Take away (as the Aussies say).

Colin started gesturing it out.
Using his hands on the plate to act out sweep it away in a bag and take it. No reaction from the staff. They really did seem to loathe us. Its rare I had that feeling ever in Japan.
I think they thought he was asking them to clean it up. They grabbed the plates, Colin asked if they are going to throw it out and they said yes.

I rummaged through my backpack and found an old plastic bag. I don’t remember what I had in it before, but hopefully not my old smelly underwear or socks (again).
I handed it to Colin.
He forked all the pasta into the bag and sealed it (the staff must have been shocked at our savageness). He handed it to me and said "Enjoy your dinner".
Fu$K I thought. "Thanks", I answered.

I threw it in my backpack. I forgot about it and a week later I found it. I guess there was a hole in the bag or it had become acidic from ALIENS spit and eaten through the bag. I had pasta sauce all over my bag. Fu$k I thought. Unlucky for me, one of the pasta’s was seafood so there were clams and shrimp in the sauce so it was extra “pungent”. Yum yum.


The next time I came to Japan I heard someone order a beef on rice. He used the words “mochi kaeri de”. Which was like “MOFO I was that shiz done for takeout yo”. In reality, it meant carry and go home with it. Which is supposed to be politely said “O-mochi kaeri”.
It seemed in a few short years takeout was now an option.

I did ask a few Japanese friends if that was typical not to have a takeout option. They seemed to think that was pretty "risque".They didn't think anyone would ask a high end restaurant or takeout. I explained it was a crappy Japanese Italian restaurant that served strawberries in their pasta (possibly the seafood one). They didn't seem to see a problem with that, so I let it go.

I consider this sacrilegious, but sometimes things are a little different in Japan.



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Friday, March 31, 2017

Never Judge a Book By its Colour

Yes I spelt that word colour. Its the proper "British way" and I'm "kinda British as a Canadian". If I was American I'd say color, but I digress.

Tried that before, needless to say, it did not end well, just a swift kick to my nuts.


You know the expression "Never judge a book by its cover", well this isn't that, but its somewhat along those lines. I'd say like "Never judge a book by its spine or index", but it doesn't really match my topic, so I'll go with colour. Its about skin colour, and misreading it. That's funny cause misread is also about a book but in this cause I mean misjudge. I'm so funny sometimes (why do I lie, I mean always). I love to talk to myself and tell myself how great I am. Some people say that's narcissistic (its better than sadistic I suppose. Another point in my favour. I am awesome).

As I interjected a few times in previous blogposts, people in Japan tend to assume if you are Asian in Japan, you are Japanese. Which is fair enough, if you are Swedish in Canada, most Canadians would assume you are Canadian. I only use Swedish cause I went to IKEA yesterday and had those meatballs. So the Swed's are on my brain.

Anywho...

There were a lot of problems with Chinese Canadians being thought of as Japanese. By pretty much everyone, including both Japanese and gaijin (foreigners), yes even other Chinese Canadians.

It can come in handy when you want to blend in a crowd, or a family totally hates foreigners with blue eyes and blond hair but they might you and are like oh, you look not that far off. On the other hand, when you don't act a certain way, bow deep enough (or at all), stop clapping/ start clapping at the wrong times, you start to look out of place (like a white albino among a heard of black albino's). That's also funny cause its wordplay, and fyi albino's are among any ethnic group, its just their melanin is missing so they are still white, but have characteristics of whatever group they are from.
If you also happen to be overly tall/ large compared to regular Japanese you also stand out. They will be thinking "something not right about this one". I had one of two very large Asian American friends that did not fit in well size wise, with the typical thin Japanese frame.

And that's funny on a few different levels, plus its more word play.


I think I mentioned the story about two Chinese Canadians that bumped into each other had no clue they are both Chinese Canadian then realized they both are. Became best of friends and had never even known about each other until that day. Even speaking to each other in Japanese saying "Excuse me (in Japanese Sumimasen)". Its a good expression to use you can never apologize enough in Japan for being doing the stupid idiotic things you will do outside the norm. Even if you don't think you need to say it I'd throw out some "Sumimasen's" at random. Everyone knew I did something wrong or had done and still making up for my past errors and idiocracies (which are beyond measure). I didn't break the family's 500 year old teaset like one of my friend's though, so I'm not that bad.

We all seem to jump to conclusions based on our "book colour".This is like my grade 6 English class. One of the questions, was like "What did the large strong tree in the family stand for?"
I'm just going on a limb (or maybe a branch here), but I'll go with "WHAT IS THE FATHER for $100 ALEX". I think I was right.
Can you decipher "book colour" on your own?

I remember a few aS$nhole American colleges (I don't wanna say friends) I had, that when we took the train to University in Kobe they'd be like "DAMN THAT GIRL IS A FOX, I'd love to see where she hides nuts during Winter". And then as she'd get off at the train stop be like "Thanks as$hats, I'm from Cali!". I didn't know if she was Chinese American (or Asian American or Japanese American), but whatever she was, they misjudged her book colour. They did not say "Sumimasen", which potentially could have made it better.

She definitely saw the Canadian flag I had meticulously (big word) sewn onto to my backpack. To announce to the world I AM CANADIAN (roll the beer commercial here).
I considered yelling "These assmonkeys I'm with are Americans! And bad ones at that". I didn't say it but I wanted to end with  "And you are no fox to me. You are like a 6, if you are lucky! Sumimasen!"
But I didn't. I pretended I did and retold that story as if I did say it. Its called living in your own world and I like that. Trump and I could get along together well, like him and Putin. Snap!

There was some morale in this post, but you will have to dig it out yourself.
Its somewhere hidden in this bookshelf (SMAP! That's my like 10th book related reference).


You hosers! A Canadian ism for losers/ fool.
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Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Smokers and Tokers!

As you probably know in Asia people smoke like they eat, everyday and multiple times a day.
That's a cool paragraph to map out this story. I would like to only say in Japan, but really its most of Asia.
This map I'm describing is as effective as flat earth theory in describing the Earth (I capitalised Earth the 2nd time just for fun, though there is a grammar rule about when it should or shouldn't be, did you know? Made you think!).

Ahem, back to the blogpost at hand (I'm so easily distracted, DAMN YOU ADHD {now called ADD}).


That's cool, it might not be because of the MJ maybe ADHD.

Everyone smokes in Japan, but nearly nobody tokes. As I have probably mentioned many times, marijavagina (Mary Jane) is bad news in Japan. Its considered one of the worst drugs on the planet. In North America, its ONLY considered a gateway drug. You start there and work your way up to the nasty stuff, coke (not the drink) etc. Coke drink isn't that great for you either though.

Due to that reason whenever I smelt it anywhere I was confident it was a foreigner smoking it.
And I'm not sure they understood the risk of it (life in prison / complete shame and you being labelled one of the top criminals in Japan or worse). I can't think of anything worse, but there probably is something, let's leave it open ended like flat earth theory (there are still people claiming its true, oh god!).

In general I don't really like smoking and in Japan its hard to avoid it (kinda like the black plague was in the 14th century, only easier to avoid). People smoke everywhere or I should say used to.

I mentioned previously in a blogpost that when I was there the teachers had started smoking outside the teachers office. This was funny because they told me that before everyone just smoked wherever, whenever. During my years they changed the law and weren't supposed to smoke on property, but as they were addicted they sat in their cars and smoked. LOL. It was so obvious, all the kids knew. I think the purpose was so kids don't emulate. What a fail!
The perils of nicotine addiction its like riding the Titanic, at some point you are going down (though in all fairness it took the Titantic 2 hours 40 mins to sink).
I hope you have longer as a smoker.

I remember hearing stories about the Tokers. Even my white Japanese teacher (he wasn't white Japanese he was just white and spoke Japanese). He told us onetime he stayed over at a friend's house and the police came to raid their place. I don't remember the gist of the story but somehow as they entered they shoved all the marijavagina into the potted plant and didn't get caught. Funny (and probably not true). You might say as true as flat earth theory.

This is bamboo leaves, do not smoke it! Though legal if its your bamboo.


I did know a guy that occasionally smoked MJ in Japan (not bamboo but possibly). He was quite funny. Italian American but for some reason thought he was black. I told him its dangerous to smoke that and if you get caught they cut your balls off. I figured that would persuade him from going down the path to the dark side (a Star Wars reference obviously).
He didn't listen to me. But he didn't listen to anyone.

Onetime during a fight I heard his Japanese girlfriend threw him through a window at his place.
When he invited me over one day and there was still glass on the floor I semi believed it.
Needless to say the fact that it was not cleaned up told me at least they were on the rocks (what girl would allow glass to stay on the floor, its a guy thing).
I believed it as much as flat earth theory (see you don't know which side I'm on!)
The end.......... (of flat earth theory). I hope.

Don't do it in Japan unless you wanna be on Japan's FBI list of top criminals.


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Saturday, December 31, 2016

Fill me UP!

I don't want to tell you the subject in the first sentence for I fear you might think the topic is full of gas and leave.

As you probably know from my 10,000 other blogposts, I've mentioned that service in Japan is top notch. Haircuts always have a happy ending, and by that I mean a nice massage. In between you are probably given a nice boiling wet towel to rub your greasy hands and face on, its FANTASTIC!
So minor and yet, so great.

I also enjoy the bows while greeting and on the way out. Its like I did them a favor and they are thanking me. Saying "IRRASHAIMASE!" which is essentially a simple WELCOME is a nice touch too.
I realise its all fake, but its still nice (just like Pamela Anderson haha not funny).

Imagine if you can't read Japanese. I always went for the cheapest and hoped there wasn't too much water in it. Wait, they don't do that in Japan? Maybe water costs too much.



Well today's topic is another place that many people have to visit while living in Japan.
It doesn't sound overly exciting but it can be quite fun.

As I may have mentioned I had two vehicles while in Japan. For the first year and a 1/2 I froze my butt off in the snow, and melted like a candle in the summer heat.

My co-worker (A half Japanese half Chinese American but family lived in Korea, so Korean influenced) and I bought a car together.
I wasn't too familiar with the vocabulary for gas stations as that wasn't something I'd ever learned at University while studying Japanese. That was more like "What time is it? Hi Mr.Tanaka" etc. Very useless stuff that no one ever uses (I later learned the object can be removed from a Japanese sentence most of the time as it was usually understood, and my Japanese teachers used to lie to say its always needed).

When I first went to the gas station I went myself. Unlucky for me, that some of my students worked at the only gas station near my place. They were part of what I called the "bad kids". Not the ones that might murder me, but fairly close.
Oneday I drove my car in and got a nice bow. The person said something to me of words I'd never heard before. 
I answered "YES" in English. He looked at me, it wasn't my student, but I could see one of my students inside the gas station.
He did not understand and neither did I.... oh mother trucker!

I got out of the car and reached for the gas nozzle, 3 people ran out of the shop, seemingly not impressed the damn foreigner was about to pour his own gas. They probably thought gas was unique to Japan and foreigners don't use it (yes a lot of things, I got asked that, I thought its just a bad joke but people were serious). You have rice in Canada? 

"Mantan desu ka".  
What the hell is a mantan I thought. I didn't have Google or smartphones back then, so I repeated "Yes" again in English.
One of my students came out and bowed. I realized this is probably the only time he'd ever bow to me. At school he was a total d$ck. A few times he threw erasers and spat spitballs at me. I contemplated breaking his fingers each time. I think he thought I was joking, but in reality I was holding back my inner 24 Jack Bower and ready to inflict some pain anyway I could, to get some terrorist information out of him (cause he threw erasers and its very similar).
He did his fake bow and started cleaning my windows. The thought of spitting on the widow and making him shine it also crossed my mind (that's a little mean, maybe I shouldn't have said the truth this time). Then when he went to shine it, crack one finger. He'd probably still be obligated to bow and thank me for coming.

They grabbed the gas nozzle from me (in a nice way) and filled up my tank. He asked "FURU OK?" meaning FULL is OK?
I realized maybe mantan is mixed word, man as in full and tan, short form of gas tank(tanku).
Turns out I was right.

My car was shined, windows buffed, they asked if I had any garbage in my car the throw out and took it away.
I paid and thought I'd get a bow.
All four of them assisted. One went to the road to block imaginary traffic, the other directed me onto the road (because I didn't know where it was I guess).
Another stood very close to the car (and very close to my wheel about to crunch his toes and he did a deep bow. Everyone bowed and thanked me.

I said "YES" in English and drove away into the sunset (there was no sunset it was already dark, but just pretend to end on a perfect note).

Gas served, bow necessary. Direction onto road mandatory. I like!


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Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Oh No they are coming!!

Many a time I saw some nice dressed up white people biking around the crappy rice field area's on bikes (bicycles, not cool motorcycles). As they biked around on their granny bikes they always dressed in Sunday's finest (that's a religious overtone for you). 
Always with dress shirt, a tie and grey dress pants.
When it was a scorching summer (as I was fairly evident Global warming was real. So if Trump pushes through his agenda of denial, I hope some Americans will correct his path to UH OH's-ville) many wore shorts. Whilst they looked professional I looked like I was worth $5. I literally was. I went through a whole phase of dollar stores only clothes. In Japan you can get your whole wardrobe there.
My socks, underwear, shirt and shorts were from the dollar store. I was happy I was not a girl because all of the above were so thinly made, it was pretty much see through. A very unwise choice when it rains (unless that floats your boat of course).

LOL, this is a big hint, if you don't get it, you should learn it.

Anyways, the agent Smith type people (minus the cool sunglasses) and top suit jacket.

A few of them spoke Japanese.
I didn't know who they were. My first assumption was businessmen. As to why their ages looked to be so young I wasn't sure.
My next assumption was FBI or some rogue agents doing reconnaissance (its a big word, from French if interested). As to why they would do that in a rice field I wasn't sure (obviously for deniability?)

What interested me as that it was always white males, younger (moderate good looking {HAD NOTHING ON ME!!}), seemed to be Americans and looked clean (shaven and style).
Like poster boys for something (and they really did appear like almost boys).

Based on this title, you are probably thinking Aliens impersonating us as the perfect specimen, but no, I'm saying Mormons. 
That's who they were.... MORMON's!
Oh god! (that's funny cause its a catchphrase but its also about religion).

Now I now you think is this gonna get start getting mean dissing the Mormons, not really. If I was going to pick a group to pick on, might be Scientologists (the tell all by Leah Remini seems to lay out a lot of the closed door stuff). Some of that stuff is really out to lunch, not that Mormon's aren't, but this is about Japan, so I'll let you make your own decisions about Kolob (the holy star/ planet) from the Mormon holy book of Abraham. Oh lord! (I did it again! I truly love wordplay).


LOL. LOVE IT!




It was so funny to be similar but so different at the same time.They never came to my door, I'm not sure why. It may have been due to me putting a line of salt infront of it to ward off ghosts (or reborn anything that was supernatural), but I'm not really sure.

Its also possible that whoever came to my door could read Japanese. As I previously mentioned in another blogpost, I thought I'd transcribe my foreigner devil name into Chinese characters, but unbeknown to me it said "I'm always absent", so I never got my mail. I did get the NHK lady asking for money to pay NHK (like CBC in Canada, BBC in England or PBS in USA) but they collect door to door and its mandatory. I told her I didn't have a TV (it was blaring loud in the background). After I spoke to her in Japanese, I told her a few times I only spoke English. LOL.
I should have added and I have a sudden case of amnesia only related to language.


I also didn't get a large amount of visitors, so once in a while it was nice to see someone. Even if they were trying to steal my hard hard money for some TV show that primarily played news, about topic I had no interest in (the Japanese economy). Its about as interesting as opening a door (that fell a little flat, but I can't think of anything overly funny right now).



I didn't have a lot of interaction with them, but I'd go to really remote parts of town where there were no foreigners (most of my back water town) and I'd see one riding his bike on his merry way trying to push his Kolob stuff to some unsuspecting sucker.


I looked it up onetime while I was there and it said a lot of people use the Mormon's. I didn't really get it. From most people's experience they were super polite so the Mormon thought he was converting someone and in turn they thought they were getting free English lessons.

I thought that was funny, not sure who was the sucker in that case.
Count me in! Or ... not.



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Monday, October 31, 2016

Look for Trouble It Finds You!

I recently watched some YouTube video's about Yakuza, aka the Underworld (not the movie, the actual underworld). Lifestyles of the real nightlife in Japan. FYI I see there is a new Underworld movie about to be released (the trailers look deceivingly good. The story kinda plateaued for me, then dropped faster than Felix Baumgartner from the stratosphere).


I remember my High School Japanese teacher (who I mentioned many times is a white guy) seemed to have all sorts of trouble with the Underworld. I hope his stories were true (there as no vampires in them). Even if they weren't, they were highly entertaining and led me down a path to the dark side. You might call him (Darth VADER!) and he is not my father (that I'm aware!)

In these YouTube videos a couple American guys are talking about drinking and clubbing and looking for girls. They don't care if the girls have boyfriends or not. That seems to be where the problem starts (foreshadow. It doesn't matter what country you are in, that won't end well, and no I don't know from experience).

One guy states "Those MOFO's do NINJA sh#t to kick our asses! They are always training to beat someone". I laughed, its a statement with semi truth.


Watch out you will never see them coming!

Let me emphasize you NEVER judge a book by its cover. You might be thinking this nerdy mofo who is 5 feet tall, can't do sh#t, then ninja’s might pop out at you. And he undoes his suit and inside he has ninja clothes on, swords and throwing stars.
The samurai spirit or mentality is still alive in Japan. As I mentioned in previous posts I saw some mofo’s do some crazy “Ninja” sh#t.
I saw people get choked out, arm breaks at judo. My own ribs and almost neck break (and I'm 5 feet tall and 100 pounds).
I saw little old men with no muscle do wrist locks or me and other people and make them scream like little girls (I usually scream that way in all honesty). It was impressive to say the least (and I have the marks on my body to prove it). Let me know if you can find out any voodoo techniques to pass those body marks to someone else (or if you met Dr.Strange. I'm not sure he's real yet, I'll check out his Marvel documentary to make sure his magic is legit).


In Japan a lot of children learn Judo or other martial arts. The school I taught at only had Judo, but they did a workshop on SUMO (I wasn't interested in seeing the loincloth on myself or others so I skipped it). Other schools may also have karate, kendo, aikido etc. There must be some that teach how to throw ninja stars called "shuriken" in Japanese. I hope they don't lace them with poison, kids would be dropping left and right.
After school those kids (or shall I say mofo's) are still training the same martial art or a different one. So they train day, night, weekend. Of course they are going to be proficient (aka able to kick ass with ninja sh$t). This should come as no surprise.

Let me express that there are no MCDojo's in Japan. If you don't get that word let me break it down for you.

Hmm, only a few months to get a black belt, must be legit!


You cannot buy your belt in Japan, you have to earn it. In Canada, there are a couple companies (especially karate based ones, don't wanna mention names or I may have a lawsuit coming).
People pay to buy each belt. 
In Japan, at minimum you must put the time in. There are many crappy lower level black belts, but it doesn't mean they didn't spend 1000's of hours training (and doing ninja sh$t too).
A black belt of lower rank is seen as the beginning of the path, but here its seen as the end.
Once you are higher ranked, your skills will be so good, you may be learnt how to be invisible and touch of death (that's sarcasm, so don't expect it to be real, as for the Marvel Universe and Dr.Strange's magic the jury is still out).

So the moral of the story is simple, you might think that you being muscular and 6 ft 1, with 200 + pounds on a little scrawny Japanese guy means something, but it doesn't.

If you throw gas on the flame and try to steal someone's girlfriend, you may be in for a beating (and I may join in too).
Just cause you are a gaijin (foreigner) doesn't mean you have the right to be an as$hole.

Heed my words grasshoppers, for I am the ancient one (just like in the Dr.Strange movie, like how I used that three plus times?) By the way, the ancient one (in the comics) is supposed to be Asian but they hired a white for it. That's nice. 
Hollywood is so with the times ;-)
On that note since its almost election time in the U.S. so is Trump. LOL!


LOL. And this guy might be President? You Americans are so funny.







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My Youtube Channel, wearing red tights and jumping around as Deadpool (but I say Dadpool to avoid copyright. Smarter than I look!)


Other funny stories from this blog 


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My Youtube Channel (makes no sense just like my blog)








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